"Water never looked so good as when you're down on the desert floor..."
So two or three nights ago I was lying awake in the middle of the night trying to fall asleep and a single thought popped into my head:
I don't want to go back to SF State.
And normally I would think this was just some strange moodiness and shrug it off, but I don't know that it was. It was a very calm, peaceful thought, and it was not accompanied by a crying fit or an angry conversation or anything like those thoughts are usually accompanied by.
So now I am stuck with a dilemma: should I ignore this thought, plan my schedule, and go finish my two degrees at SF State and just get it over with? Should I try to get my tuition refunded, pull out for a semester, and transfer somewhere else in the Spring? Should I go back to LasPo and get another AA in something more useful that Theater, like English or Criminal Justice?
I imagine much of this is because my summer so far has been completely unproductive, on top of the fact that I can't find a job and I haven't gotten my driver's license and SF State keeps cutting classes, making it dificult to plan my semester. But I also feel very disconnected at SF State - it's like when I first started at LasPo and I was sixteen and didn't know how to be in the "real world", except that now I'm almost twenty-one and I should know how to be in the real world because I have been in it.
And this all comes back around to my primary issue. I'm incredibly "book smart" but have no useable skill set for anything outside of academia. This makes even the simplest of things like getting a job, picking a major, and being productive very difficult. I could be improving skills like sewing, karate, webbuilding, etc., but instead I've been sitting and reading all summer. I haven't even been writing, which is killing me, because I want to, but I can't seem to find a starting place and I can't self-motivate to find the discipline to do it.
And now we bring this back around to another one of those nagging college questions, namely, if I want to "be a writer" when I grow up, should I be pursuing a creative writing degree? Would that jump-start me to getting some of this stuff out of my head and onto paper, or would it just kill everything?
More questions than answers, and unfortunately whining in my journal is not resolving anything.


I think in most cases doing courses on creative things tends to stifle them and put them in a box (as in makes them standard and not truly imaginative). However if you think it will motivate you when you're blocked then it may help.
Another way to get motivated is give yourself a deadline and simply just write whatever comes to you - it may be great or you may have to go over it later but it can open you up and get you writing what you want to. (Learnt that can help after recently writing 73 fics in a month to their daily deadlines!)